


a pair of dull scissors, the yellow light

by blackbird blackbird (assassinactual)



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-14 16:34:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18951862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/assassinactual/pseuds/blackbird%20blackbird
Summary: Post Season 3. Reign leaves some unwanted gifts for Sam, and she turns to Alex for help. Might technically fit into canon possibly.





	a pair of dull scissors, the yellow light

**Author's Note:**

> overall I think this turned out a bit happier than I expected. still a little sad, a little hopeful.

Lena, carrying a bulky steel briefcase, approaches Alex as she’s leaving the DEO.

“Can I talk to you? Privately?”

Alex nods, and leads her to an empty conference room. Once they’re inside, she closes and locks the door, then taps a panel on the wall. The glass walls turn opaque, and the indicator turns from unsecure red to secure green. She turns to Lena.

Lena doesn’t say anything yet. She sets the case on the table, then takes a device about the size of a deck of cards out of her pocket and sets that beside the case. She taps it and a faint hum, just at the edge of Alex’s hearing, fills the room. Then she looks up at Alex.

“What I’m about to tell you, you can’t tell anyone, ever. Even…” She stops, bites her lip, seems to be considering something. “Kara.” The name sounds heavy and significant, and Alex understands exactly what she’s implying.

Alex shoots her a sharp look. Lena, seeming to understand, fractionally inclines her head.

“If it’s something that can hurt her you know I can’t promise that.”

“It’s because of what it could do to her that it must remain secret,” Lena says, her tone grave.

Alex appraises her for some time. She may have had her misgiving about Lena at first. But Kara trusts Lena, so she does too. “Okay.”

“When I said the tests showed that Sam is human now, I wasn’t being entirely truthful. Some of them did, but looking deeper, it’s not unlike she was before. Underneath, she is Kryptonian, and I believe in time that side of her will re-emerge.”

“Does she know?”

“Yes.”

“How is she?”

“She was in shock, understandably. But I know Sam. I know this power will be a burden to her. It’s not something she ever wanted. That is where this,” she lays her hand on the case, “comes in.”

Alex eyes the case. “What, Kryptonite?” she asks, caught up between concern for Sam and wondering why Lena is being so secretive.

“Not the usual sort,” Lena says gravely. “In here is an irradiation device loaded with a dose of synthetic gold Kryptonite.” She pauses to let the weight of it sink in. They’re both well acquainted with Kryptonian biology and the effects of Kryptonite. 

_Gold. Permanently removes a Kryptonian’s powers._

Alex understands her need for total secrecy now.

“Why bring this to me? Why not just give it to Sam?”

“You know what this does. I – ” Lena looks down, wringing her hands together. She scoffs derisively. “Maybe I’m just being selfish. I’m afraid even telling her about this would influence her. If she wants it, it needs to be entirely her decision.”

“Hey,” Alex say, closing the space between them. She reaches out tentatively – knowing Lena isn’t really one for physical affection with people other than Kara – and touches her arm, a little awkwardly. “You’re like, the least selfish person I know. This is big. You’re right to be careful.” Lena nods. “What do I need to know?”

Lena visibly but subtly relaxes, immediately a little more at ease discussing her invention. “Open it,” she says, pointing at the case.

Alex finds a fingerprint reader next to the handle. She presses her thumb to, and the latches pop open with a click. She opens it, finding a compartment for documents in the top half and in the bottom, cradled in soft foam, is a device that resembles an oversized wristwatch. The body of it round and thick, made of black plastic and featureless except a ring around the rim that looks like it might rotate. There’s a notch in the ring on one side, and a matching one on the base on the other.

“The case is coded only to your fingerprint, and the device to Sam’s DNA,” Lena says. “To use, put it on her, spin the ring so the notches line up, then press the top. That triggers a radiation source which activates the Kryptonite. It should take about five minutes to expose her to the correct dose. Then it deactivates, and nanites render the Kryptonite inert.”

Alex, like Lena, takes comfort in focusing on the details. Trying to keep detached, approaching this as a doctor and an agent. “What about effects on Sam?”

“I’m… not certain,” Lena admits. “It can’t be fully tested, obviously. But from simulations and tests on samples, I expect similar to regular green Kryptonite while it works. It should dissipate as her powers are nullified. My research notes and the plans are in there as well.” Alex nods.

“Those are the originals, and only copies. I’d suggest you destroy all of it, and the used device after.” Lena wrings her hands, avoiding Alex’s gaze again. “I’ve been as careful as possible. It’s all been done in secret, and never touched a networked device. I swear you’re the only other person who knows about this.”

Alex nods again, but her gaze lingers on Lena. She tries to hide, but Alex can see her insecurity. Her doubt, likely caused by her recent disagreements with Kara. “I trust you.”

This causes Lena to pause. She studies Alex’s face, and when she sees she’s telling the truth, smiles a little. It’s brief, then she turns serious once more. “Alex, I know this is a lot…”

“If Sam needs me to do this, I’ll do it,” Alex says firmly.

 

After going over Lena’s notes that night, Alex stuffs the case away in the back of her closet and tries not to think about it.

To think about what Sam could be going through right now as her powers return. To worry about what could happen to Kara if someone else got their hands on the gold Kryptonite. To hope, futilely, that Lena somehow made a mistake and Sam is fully human now.

She isn’t very successful.

 

Thankfully, she doesn’t have to wait too long.

A few nights later, there’s a knock at Alex’s door. She opens to find Sam, who’s not at all her usual self.

“Sam,” Alex whispers, heart breaking at the state of her. She’s wearing an old college sweater with the hood pulled up, but it doesn’t do much to hide her pale face, lank hair, and dark circles under her eyes. That’s not what strikes Alex, though.

One of the things Alex has always noticed about Sam is her strength and determination. Through everything with Reign, when they thought she was sick, even going back to when they first met and she was just _Sam_.  Alex has always been in awe of her, how she endured everything life threw at her and never gave up, how she earned her place at L-Corp while raising Ruby, how she let fear or doubt stop her.

Now, though, she just looks _defeated_.

Alex doesn’t hesitate. She makes eye contact with Sam, and makes sure she can see her intentions, then steps out into the hallway and envelopes her in a hug.

Sam lets her, but stands there stiffly and uncomfortably, not reciprocating.

Alex doesn’t hang on nearly as long as she wants to, quickly letting go and giving Sam space. She seems almost more nervous now.

“Lena told you, didn’t she?” Sam asks without meeting Alex’s gaze.

“Yeah.”

“Can – can you help me?” Sam looks up, and there’s a faint spark of hope there, the old Sam she’s used to. Alex nods, then stands aside, ushering Sam inside.

 

“You need to be sure. There’s no going back from this,” Alex reiterates after explaining everything to Sam. They sit side by side on the couch, both staring at the closed case sitting on the coffee table in front of them.

Sam sighs, running her hands through her hair. “I’m barely sleeping. I can’t shut out all the noise. I tripped and I almost put my hand through the side of my car the other day. I’m afraid to touch anything, I’m afraid to be around people. I'm too scared to hug Ruby because I’m afraid I – ” She cuts herself off, then sits there silently staring unseeingly at the table. When she finally turns back to Alex, the desperation is clear on her face. “Please, Alex. I can’t go on like this.”

“Okay. Okay, Sam. I’ve got you.” Alex says. She scoots over, closing what little space is between and leans into Sam. Just brushing their shoulders together, but Sam tenses. Alex doesn’t push further, but doesn’t pull away either. Soon, Sam relaxes. She lets out a long breath, and slumps against Alex’s shoulder.

There’s a selfish part of Alex that wants to try to help Sam with her powers like she did with Kara. The idea’s come to her insistently. To spend the time with her. To help her control her powers, be happy with them. To learn about Krypton, and maybe to even work alongside Alex.

But that’s not Sam. She’s not Kara. She may have come from Krypton, but she grew up and lived on Earth for thirty years as a human. She’s brave – braver than any of them, Alex thinks – but being a hero is not for her. And this is her choice.

“Do you want to do it now?”

“Can we?” Sam asks eagerly. Alex nods. “God, yes.”

“It will probably be painful.”

“More painful than having my evil twin ripped out of my body?”

Alex stares at her and blinks a couple times before she realizes it’s a joke. She smiles indulgently and bumps her shoulder into Sam’s.

“Maybe not quite that bad.” Reaching for the case, Alex pauses. “I hate to ask this now, but… this is dangerous, if it ever gets out. If anyone even knows we have or could make this. Right now, Lena and I are the only ones who know this exists.”

Sam studies, frowning slightly. But it doesn’t take her long to add it all up. “Because it could take away Kara’s powers.”

“I really hate to put this on you, but you can’t tell anyone about this. Even people who know about – the other stuff.”

“I get it, Alex,” Sam reassures her. “Though Ruby already knows about me. I’ll just tell her you and Lena cooked something up.”

“I would never ask you to lie to her.”

For a moment, Alex almost forgets where she is. It’s sudden, always. She finds herself caught up in Sam’s face, her warm brown eyes. But this time Same is definitely looking right back at her. She’s not sure how long it lasts. (Not long enough.)

They both catch themselves at the same time. They turn away from each other, putting the tiniest bit of space between. Alex glances back at Sam, and sees the faint blush on her cheeks that she’s sure she’s matching. She looks away again before Sam catches her, focusing on getting the Kryptonite device out of the case.

“Um, this goes on your wrist and then I just have to turn it on.”

Sam pushes up her sleeve and offers her right arm. Alex hesitates a moment before putting the device in place. She’s gotten good at compartmentalizing. At pretending she isn’t – whatever she is with Sam when they’re with their friends. At keeping more or less professional when she’s running tests and helping Sam. But now it’s like something has upset the balance. Whether it’s Sam’s state or the crossing of the contexts with this happening in the private space of Alex’s home, it feels different. The simple act of fastening the device onto her arm suddenly feels startlingly intimate.

She gets in place though. As she’s fumbling with the clasp, she glances up at Sam. Sam looks back at her, a faint playful smirk playing at her lips. Alex, feeling like Sam can see right through her, looks away, blushing even harder than before.

Alex busies herself checking over the device, even though there isn’t really anything to be checked. She quickly pulls herself together.

“Just relax and let me know when you’re ready.”

Immediately, Sam says “I’m ready.”

Alex smiles, shaking her head.

Then Sam nods. She takes a deep breath – in, out – and sinks deeper int the couch. “Okay.”

Briefly, Alex thinks it would be better to do this at L-Corp, or the DEO. To monitor Sam, and to help her if something went wrong. But she’s also pretty sure Sam has enough of feeling like a patient or a test subject. And this way makes it easier to keep the secret.

Slowly, deliberately, she twists the dial around. It clicks into place, and she looks up at Sam. She smiles at Alex, one last confirmation.

Alex pushes the button.

There’s a solid _thunk_. Not much seems to happen first. Then it starts emitting a sharply rising whine, which abruptly cuts off with a deeper thrum. This is when it starts glowing.

It’s faint, a dull, sickly yellow that shines right through the black housing of the device. Sam grunts, her face twisting into a pained expression. The glow spreads, veins of gold crawling up her arms.

“You okay?”

“Hurts,” Sam grits out.

Alex reaches out for her hand, but Sam jerks it back at almost super speed. “Don’t wanna hurt you.”

Desperate for a way to comfort her, Alex remembers something Kara did, to focus her powers and block out the world.

“Can you hear my heartbeat?”

The question surprises Sam enough she seems to momentarily forget her pain. “Huh? Yeah,” she says, as if just realizing she can.

“Good. Just focus on that. Try to forget everything else.”

Her face is contorted in pain, but she does relax a little even as the gold veins climb up her chest to her face. She whimpers as one of the reaches around her left eye, calling for Alex in a small voice.

“I’m here. I’m here.” Rather than try to take Sam’s hand again, she cuddles into her side and lays her head on her shoulder. Sam accepts it, though she’s still making little noises of pain.

 The next several minutes pass like this, until Alex realizes Sam has gone quiet and still. The gold veins have also disappeared, and the device has gone dark. Careful to not wake her, Alex unclasps it and eases it off her wrist. Then she settles back down into Sam’s side and waits.

 

“Alex.” She blinks, realizing that she, too must have fallen asleep. “Alex, I can’t hear it!”

Groggily, she sits up and tries to process what Sam is excited about. “Your heartbeat! I can’t hear it anymore! Or the traffic, or what your neighbours three floors down are talking about!”

Sam jumps to her feet abruptly, letting Alex fall over on the couch. She ignores Alex’s grumbling, hopping in place a couple times. “And no flying!” She jabs a finger into her stomach. “I don’t really feel bulletproof, either.”

Alex hauls herself to her feet and gives Sam a once over. “Just don’t ask me to shoot you.” She jabs a finger into Sam’s stomach like she had.

“Ow!”

“We’ll have to get Lena to check, but it looks like it worked.”

Suddenly, Sam is way too close. Her face is inches away from Alex’s. There’s unshed tears in her eyes, but she’s finally smiling that goofy Sam grin again. “Alex. It worked.”

There’s a hand caressing Alex’s cheek. One grabbing her by the waist. The distance between is closing – and Sam is kissing her. _Sam is kissing Alex_. She’s so caught off guard by the fact that it’s actually happening that it takes her a second to reciprocate.

She doesn’t get to enjoy it long before the more logical part of her brain kicks in. She pushes lightly against Sam, letting herself relishing the way her soft gives under touch and how she can move Sam.

“Sam, wait.” She pants heavily, Sam’s face still inches from hers. “Wait.” Sam steals one last quick kiss before she pulls back, allowing Alex space to collect herself.

“I don’t – are you sure about this? I mean, we’re not certain what that did to you. And if you’re just trying to thank me then – ”

Sam silences her with a finger pressed to her lips.

“Alex, we both know that’s not what this is. I want this. I have for quite a while. I’ve been holding back because I thought _you_ weren’t ready.” Sam pauses, but she seems to sense that Alex is going to object again. “I’m pretty sure you know the effects of Kryptonite. I’m a bit tired, but I’m not drunk or anything.

Alex nods.

Sam pulls back further, fully disentangling herself from Alex. She takes one of Alex’s hands and brings it up. Bending slightly to meet it halfway, she plants the lightest of kisses on Alex’s knuckles, without breaking eye contact with her. “I am – ” Sam says, as she drops Alex’s hand. She takes the other, and kisses it in the same manner. “ – absolutely certain that I want this.” She drops Alex’s hand, then takes a full step back. “Do you?”

Her heart is pounding. Alex can hardly believe this real. Half of her feels like there’s some reason she can’t recall that this shouldn’t be happening, and the other half just wants to fall back into Sam’s arms. God, does she ever want this.

“Hell yes.”

Alex initiates the kiss this time – fierce, urgent, passionate. But while Alex is barely aware of anything beyond Sam’s lips on hers and their bodies pressed together, Sam is taking control. She spins them around, maneuvering past the couch, and walks Alex backwards towards her own bed.

They break apart when Alex’s legs run into the bed and she lets herself fall back onto it. Sam hovers over her, once goofy smirk turned into something entirely different. She raises an eyebrow, and indicates for Alex to back up and make room for her with a little quirk of her head. Alex, not even really thinking at this point, complies. She scoots backwards up the bed. Sam follows, crawling up and right on over top of her.

They’re kissing again, more passionate and purposeful now. Sam’s hands are roaming over her body, while Alex finds herself unable to do more than whimper into the kiss and grab at Sam’s shirt.

Abruptly, Sam pulls back. “Damn it,” she breathes, fumbling with Alex’s belt.

“Lemme.”

Alex’s fingers run into Sam’s, and tangle with them briefly. Then Sam moves her hands, running one up Alex’s side. She collapses onto the bed right beside Alex, half on her side and half on top of Alex.

Distracted by Sam’s touch, it takes Alex a moment to get her bearings. But then she does, grasps the buckle, and quickly pops her belt open. By now though, Sam’s hands have stilled.

“Sam?” she calls, but Sam’s face doesn’t move from where it’s smooshed against her shoulder: she’s fallen asleep.

Her heart still pounding, but the heat quickly fading to a warm glow, Alex laughs softly. She lightly kisses the top of Sam’s head. Then she pulls a blanket over them and wraps her arms around Sam.

 

Alex wakes to empty bed.

In the momentary space between sleep and full awareness her mind runs wild with every worst-case scenario: Sam leaving, Sam just disappearing, Reign returning.

Then she smells the coffee, sits up and sees Sam standing there.

“Hey,” she says softly. She offers Alex a slightly bashful smile and a steaming mug of coffee. “Sorry. I swear I don’t usually fall asleep literally on top of beautiful women I’m making out with.”

“It’s okay,” Alex says, blushing a little at the casual compliment. She takes the coffee, inhaling a deep breath of the scent and sipping it carefully. “Is there a lot of beautiful women you’re making out with?”

“Oh, you know,” Sam says playfully, “one or two.”

Alex matches her smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Like myself.”

“Good.”

Alex hands the mug back to Sam as she untangles herself from the blanket and hops off the bed, then takes it back once she free. Both times with a deliberate lingering touch as their fingers brush together.

She heads off in search of food, Sam following behind her. They’re both silent as around the kitchen. It feels natural and comfortable, like this is something they’ve done a thousand times before. She’s overcome by it suddenly, like a pull in her chest that almost takes her breath away: the thought of this being every morning, and Ruby with too.

Sam notices, but doesn’t comment. It passes, then once they’re both seated at the table with bowls of cereal, she speaks up.

“Alex,” she says, more serious than their playful conversation before, “thank you.”

“You don’t have to keep thanking me. I – ”

Sam cuts her off, saying fiercely “Don’t you dare say it was nothing, Alex Danvers.”

“I wasn’t going to. Really.” She holds up her hands as if in surrender. Sam nods. “I did it for you. Because you needed me. Not because I expect anything back.”

“And that’s why I’m going to keep thanking you.” She reaches across the table taking hold of Alex’s hand. “For everything. This, and before. Fighting _her_ , taking care of Ruby. I couldn’t have gotten through this without you.”

“You would’ve, Sam. You’re so strong.”

Though Sam doesn’t say anything, Alex can see she doesn’t quite believe it. She’s trying to come up with something to convince her when they’re interrupted by Sam’s phone chiming. She pulls it out, setting it on the table so she can scroll it with one hand and eat her cereal with the other.

“That’s Ruby,” she says a moment later. “We’ve been looking at houses in Metropolis.”

Alex knew she was leaving, knew this was coming. But her saying it suddenly breaks through the lingering fantasy.

“Alex, I’m sorry.” Alex can see the thought of this is hurting Sam as much as it is her, and that makes it even worse.

“Don’t,” Alex says. “Don’t apologize. I know why you need to get away, go somewhere new. Whatever I might want – you need to look after yourself first. You and Ruby.”

Sam reaches over and takes her hand once more. “This doesn’t have to end here,” she offers. “Just because I won’t be here.”

“It won’t be the same.”

“It won’t.” Though she was just on the verge of fighting back tears, Sam’s tone reassures her. Steady and confident. Like she’s certain, if not in the outcome then in in their ability to face whatever is coming. This is the familiar Sam, the Sam Alex fell in love with. “But _not right now_ doesn’t have to mean _not ever_. We’ve got time. Everything doesn’t have to happen all at once. Besides,” Sam says, suddenly turning playful again, “it’s not like I’m leaving right this minute.”

**Author's Note:**

> tbh I think gold kryptonite, sam ending up human, and sam leaving are all dumb but this idea wouldn't leave me alone.


End file.
